watercolors

i used your wet kisses
a pile of worn love notes
and the motley wavelengths of euphoria
to paint our forever,
a forever ignited by
our tangled energies that could
awaken the dawn at midnight.

in the kaleidoscopic chaos of it all,
the inconspicuous slipping of your energy
had fully dissipated at the first
breath of daybreak
and the double stitching of our fates
had been snipped.

i used the remnants of our tomorrow
memories of blurred passion
and fragments of you, of us
to paint our forever–
a watercolor.

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14 thoughts on “watercolors

    • 😉 I was wondering if others would get that one, you would only know if you knew what it looks like haha.. Obrigado, seus comentários foram significou muito !

  1. dude how do you have time to write such wonderful stuff??? I’ve been so lazy this summer i don’t have the energy to get out of the sofa oh lord -.- you seriously inspire me!

    • Haha, thank you so much! Your thoughts always mean a lot to me! And I have been trying to write more regularly but it has been difficult /: I figure that I want to be better and in order to be better I need to practice more no matter what! Discipline is probably the hardest part for me too… but I am hoping to see more of your stuff on my feed too! Your thoughts are always so beautifully written and moving! ❤

      • Aw thank you! (sorry im replying late I had a family holiday) and ya you’re so right!! The problem with me is that usually the stuff I write as practice cannot be published for people to see -.- I need to actually sit down for ages in order to think of something good…but I definitely should push myself harder this year! and I hope to read more from you too xxx

  2. This is one of your prettiest poems! Just curious, what inspired you to write this? I’m awful at poetry analysis, but here it goes XD *puts on thinking cap*

    “i used your wet kisses
    a pile of worn love notes
    and the motley wavelengths of euphoria
    to paint our forever,”

    These lines are so gorgeous. You captured the essence and excitement of young love.

    “our tangled energies that could
    awaken the dawn at midnight”

    I wasn’t sure what this meant. . . How does energy wake up the dawn? Were you trying to say that they were both so happy and in love they failed to notice that it was midnight?

    in the kaleidoscopic chaos of it all,

    This is an amazing line. Although I think it would sound better if it was trimmed to “in the kaleidoscopic chaos” because “of it all,” kind of clogs it up and detracts from the beauty.

    the inconspicuous slipping of your energy

    Not sure how I feel about this line. . . It doesn’t sound as pretty as the rest of the poem, but I don’t know much about poetry :$

    and the double stitching of our fates
    had been snipped.

    Nothing wrong with this. I like it, but I’m not sure what it means. The previous lines say that his energy is slipping, but he suddenly feels alive/awake/energized again (not sure why?). So this line makes it sound like something bad happens and they have broken up. But maybe it means something else?

    i used the remnants of our tomorrow
    memories of blurred passion
    and fragments of you, of us
    to paint our forever–
    a watercolor.

    The last few lines are beautiful too. You know how much I love beautiful prose * -* Although I can’t help but feel the last two lines can be tweaked a bit. Maybe something like. . .

    “i used the remnants of tomorrow
    memories of blurred passion
    and fragments of our lives
    to paint our future–
    in golden and amber hues
    of the setting sun.

    I also trimmed it a bit. Like in this line, “I used the remnants of our tomorrow,” you don’t need the “of our,” because it’s already implied. It flows better without it, in my humble opinion :$ Well, my ending sucks XD Uuuuuh, but maybe it will get you thinking. I tried connecting it back to the beginning since you talked about midnight, dawn, and daybreak. Kind of ties it all together.

    Anyway, lovely poem ^_^ You are definitely getting better since I first started reading your stuff 😀 Take my comments for what they are worth because I don’t read or write poetry :$

    • Thank you so much for your comment. I apologize for taking so long to respond–I have been away from WordPress for a while now. I am still learning about poetry as well, so we can learn together! With the line, “our tangled energies that could/awaken the dawn at midnight”, I meant to convey the strength and passion of the love, so strong that the sun could come out at the darkest hour. With the other line, “the inconspicuous slipping of your energy”, I do agree that it doesn’t sound as nice as the rest of the poem. I find that I am still struggling with how to construct a more cohesive tone/flow throughout my work in general. I think you were right in that I should have tried to consider tying the poem together, and being consistent with my imagery. At the time, I thought a watercolor more accurately described what image I was trying to convey. Watercolor paintings, for me, evoke a somber feeling. And, since this poem had a sad tone, in general, I thought that it would make more sense this way. Once again, thank you for your input. 🙂 I always enjoy reading your comments and what you suggest.

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