word vomit⎮ summer reflections

as my summer comes to a close, i have been thinking about how i spent it. it is my last summer vacation, and i still cannot fathom what that means to me. i think that it’s so difficult for me to grasp because it reminds me of my youthfulness, my lack of responsibilities, childhood traditions, and that i will soon enter into adulthood officially once i graduate from college. i am excited, frightened, nervous, and eager to enter this new chapter in my life.

anyway, during the beginning of my summer vacation, i googled job and internship opportunities day and night. i filled out countless numbers of applications, contacted many employers, and went to several interviews. thankfully i was accepted as a volunteer for a wonderful nonprofit organization. due to high transportation costs, i didn’t volunteer as often as i wanted to—i only went 4 times. even so, after my last day with them, the nonprofit still emailed me a thank-you note and invited me to volunteer with them in the future. it meant a lot to me considering that i wasn’t such an active volunteer.

when i volunteered the few times that i did, i felt like i had a purpose. my purpose was to clock in on tuesdays and assist the organization with their weekly citizenship clinic by translating application forms for clients who couldn’t understand english very well. throughout the rest of week, however, i felt like i was wasting my summer away. i think i felt that way because most of my friends were spending their time interning, working, or attending summer school. i kept comparing my volunteer work to theirs, and for a time, i was dispirited. i chastised myself for not spending my summer more wisely.

in an effort to speed up the rest of week, i indulged in reading (for leisure), a pastime i didn’t explore since entering college. after finishing my first book this summer, i realized how much i missed reading. i made weekly trips to my local library and read fiction, autobiographies, and nonfiction works. soon after, i also rekindled my passion for writing.

i stopped writing when i entered college because i felt intimidated by my peers and professors. then, three and a half years later, one of my study-abroad instructors commented on how she enjoyed reading my writing (we had to write responses to creative writing and critical thinking prompts). at first, i thought she probably said that to everyone. but, a small voice whispered, maybe not…?

needless to say, i decided to try writing again, just like i had with reading. it was difficult at first. i used online creative writing prompts to trigger my thoughts, and disciplined myself to write at least once a week. at the same time, i posted these writing exercises on this blog. gradually, i wrote more often, and next thing i knew, i remembered what i had once loved so much and now love even more: writing. i missed tasting words, feeling their texture, rearranging them, and imagining them. i missed experimenting with poetry and creating stories. it’s true, as cheesy as that all sounds. and, i’m grateful for all of my WordPress readers and friends who have and continue support me on this writing journey. your likes, comments, views, and followings mean a great deal to me. thank you for that.

essentially, i thought this summer was going to be a waste of time. i thought that because i didn’t get an internship or job i would be even more lost on my path to adulthood and life. if anything, i’ve realized that this summer has been one that has brought me wonderful joys: self-exploration, long contemplations regarding life, revived passions, and spending time with those who are close to me. it was a different, much needed, well spent summer for me.

word vomit (1)

people use word vomit a lot. at least on youtube. “excuse my word vomit”, or, “this video is just going to be me ranting about life, like, its my word vomit.” i’m sure people don’t want to read about vomit. maybe if i was someone like lana del rey, they’d wonder what her word vomit sounds like. i decided to include word vomits because i think i may enjoy them. who knows. it looks like i’m doing a good job though–there’s a lot of word vomit here already.

 

oh, angelite, i love you. you and your pretty brown eyes and quirky sense of humor–i love you. sometimes i just do things to make you smile. you rarely smile–and i love your smile. i tickle you when i notice you’re ignoring the cat rubbing against your legs. i tickle you when you seem upset, just to get you to tell me to back off while you giggle. oh angelite, my little sister, how i adore your witty comments. i think its amazing that you’re so young and yet, you’ve scrutinized films that i haven’t noticed until college, and you ask me, isn’t that sexist? when my mother tells her that because she is a young lady, she needs to learn how to cook. yes, angelite, that is sexist. and yes angelite, you shouldn’t have to do anything that you don’t want to. you are perfect the way you are. you can eat two tacos instead of one–don’t worry about the calories. that isn’t what matters. what matters is that you’re healthy and smiling. i love you, so dearly, my little sister.