midnight ramblings

my heart thumps as loud as the boom of a grandfather clock. it pounds repeatedly and the more i try to focus on something else, like the galactic nail polish i painted on my toe nails the other day, the harder it ricochets against the inside my skull. the sound overwhelms the chambers of my head, to the point where i can’t compartmentalize its howl, and i let it compress me. i let it surround me in an invented, bare space i call home, and the sound muffles as i sink down to a linoleum floor.

i hear a groan, and i realize that irritable noise is escaping me. this vexes me, because i know i need to break that wretched grandfather clock, i need to do what buffy does and slice these dark demons away, i need to be the person i wish i was: strong, passionate, brazen, and courageous. i need to get up because time, as relative as it is, won’t wait for me to catch my breath. i know these things, i do.

7 thoughts on “midnight ramblings

  1. You do stream of consciousness so well πŸ˜€ I liked the bit about the nail polish and Buffy because it reveals a lot about the character. I’m not sure if she qualifies as a protagonist? Erm, is this you?

    The first time I read it I didn’t really stop to ponder the meaning. I just went with the flow because it felt good. Not sure if that makes sense XD It’s kind of like a sixth sense I suppose. Prose has feelings attached to it, and I can’t really explain more than that, lol. I think this character is having a panic attack? Either that or a psychological break down. The form, disorganized and disjointed, perfectly fits the character and her situation.

    As much as I loved this piece the ending didn’t seem to fit. I’m not sure why, but it leaves the piece feeling incomplete. Although maybe that was the point? This line also seemed a bit off, “the sound overwhelms the chambers of my head. . .” I’m not sure how to fix it, but it just sounds a bit awkward.

    Your writing inspires me πŸ™‚ I’m getting back into it (along with blogging and reading) but it’s hard when I haven’t done it for a while :$

    • Thank you for your input and feedback. πŸ™‚ I really appreciate it. What you thought about the character was going through is spot on. I’m glad that this was conveyed well. I agree that towards the end I wasn’t sure how to end it. I have troubles with endings sometimes–any tips? Sometimes endings just flow naturally, and other times they are difficult to create. I am looking forward to reading more of your prose! I’ve missed it a lot. I hope you are feeling better and you are indeed a missed presence on Word Press!

      • I’m not so good at endings XD I’m getting better but it’s not a strong point of mine . . . Maybe at the end of the piece, she hears the clock again, but instead of breaking down something else happens. You kind of hint at it with time passing, but it feels like it could be stronger somehow. Maybe something that demonstrates her inner strength. Maybe the clock sounds different at the end? Just throwing ideas out there.

  2. I really like your imagery! This is a beautiful piece. The part about the chambers of your head is also really good! It reminds me of difficult it is to grasp an echo because to me echoes seem to lack form.

    Definitely slice those dark demons away! I know you well and you are strong, passionate, brazen, and courageous! You’re a kick ass person who is also a kick ass writer! ❀

    • Thank you so much for your thoughts, Hellen! I really appreciate it. And I agree about the echo not really having a form. It’s so hard to capture. Also, it’s flattering to know that a great writer like you likes my writings, too πŸ™‚

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