my first time

the first time i wore you,
i hid you underneath my navy sarong.
your white strings, wrapped around my sand-colored neck,
tightened when i smelled our host—
the salty, cold ocean.

i rearranged my towel, my beach bag, my floppy sun-hat
i reapplied sunscreen on my legs, arms, neck
i reminded myself that wearing you
shouldn’t be a big deal.

i uncovered you
and
felt my fleshy sides jiggle more than usual
when i fidgeted on my towel.
the chill breeze tickled my bare stomach, back, thighs
as i ran in the ocean,
trying to hide you, me, from the world.

i discovered the softness of the ocean’s touch
and the warmth of the ocean’s hug
that day.

the first time i wore you,
you felt intimidating,
frightening.

liberating.

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9 thoughts on “my first time

  1. The last line gave me goosebumps! I wasn’t expecting it, and it was a powerful finish. You captured the essence of being a girl/woman so well. But I’m glad the girl in this poem could overcome her insecurities. My heart breaks for all the woman that are ashamed of their bodies, but I know it’s very common unfortunately.

    There wasn’t an about page for me to leave this on, so I figured I would leave it here :$ I nominated you for the, “One Lovely Blog Award.” No pressure to accept it or pass it along, but I love your blog so I wanted to give you the award :3 If you want you can change the number of people nominated. 15 people is a lot, lol.
    http://thepaperbutterfly.wordpress.com/2014/07/21/blogger-awards/

    • Thank you so much for your kindness! This piece was about my experience wearing a bikini for the first time. I was terrified but also excited. I am happy that I was able to wear one–especially since I paid money for it, haha. But I agree, it’s terrible that society has created such outrageous beauty standards for women’s bodies to the point where women do not feel comfortable with themselves.

      Also, thank you so much for the nomination! It melts my heart. I will definitely accept & pass it along 🙂 (I also hope that I follow the directions correctly, haha, I have never done one of these before). I can’t explain how happy your nomination makes me. I appreciate your support of me and my blog, it has truly made my wordpress experience worthwhile!

  2. Warmth of the Ocean’s hug? You are hardcore.
    I step into the ocean and feel the frost of Odin’s vanquished foes, returned with the sole aim of smiting my nethers. Every slap of the waves is an icy sledgehammer to the next inch submerged.
    I salute you, brave one

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