i met a beast
who had fur that looked and felt like tree bark. rough,
raw, and broken.
its eyes
seemed like dull pebbles. so small, so unbreakable.
when it ate, it only ate dead things,
recycling limp rabbits and stiff gerbils in its stomach.
its gaze, heavy and studious
prickled my skin, rose my arm hairs.
i ran away.

i met a man
whose words i ate
like cold watermelon slices on a hot, august day.
he worked long hours at his 8am-5pm office,
cracking his knuckles as he typed in his small, unorganized cubicle.
this man looked like the man in the white, pale cubicle next to him
and like the man in the cubicle after that
and the one after that.
this man
pissed on his neighbor’s bushes
purposefully shat all over the toilet, his bathroom’s white linoleum floor
and touched himself in front of his children
who he didn’t think noticed.

i saw the beast again
under a streetlight, on a Wednesday night.
it looked alone, sad?, aloof.
i didn’t think
it should have been the one

9 thoughts on “beast

  1. I read this yesterday, but I wanted to think about it before I replied. I’m not good at reading or writing poetry, so bear that in mind as you read this :$ First off, I thought this was brilliant. The part about the beast as a parallel to the horrible man she met. And that in the end she sees the beast alone, and in a way she feels sorry for it, but she feels even more disgusted by herself that she could love such a horrible creature. And the beautiful thing about this poem is that the more I read it, the more I get out of it. I was a bit confused on the first read through :$ I love pieces that make me stop and think.

    These were my favorite lines, “i met a man whose words i ate like cold watermelon slices on a hot, august day.” It was just so beautiful, and it also related to the protagonist/narrator and how she saw the world.

    The only part I didn’t like was this line, “shat all over his toilet.” There’s nothing wrong about it stylistically. I know you want to paint an ugly picture, but it was too much for me. And good people “shat” too XD Maybe a line more specific to him being a bad man?

    You are an amazing writer 😀 Looking forward to more!

    • Wow, thank you so much for your kind words and honesty. I am always looking to improve, so your critiques mean a great deal to me. And hahaha, that’s true, regular people do that on their toilets, but I didn’t convey the image I had in mind correctly. I was trying to be realistic but still illustrate the man in a “beastly” way. And your right, I will delete that line and replace it with something that sheds more light on how he’s not as great as he seems. Once again, thank you for your thoughtful critique! 🙂

  2. I loved the poem! I agree with everything said–although I wish you would keep the ‘shat all over the toilet’ bit because I totally got how crude and gross you wanted him to come across. Yes we all do it, but you spelt out that he did it purposefully, all over the toilet and on the white linoleum floor. Normal people don’t do that–so your point came across neatly (HA!). He is beastly 😀

  3. I love how you made the reader feel more connected with the beast rather than the man at the end, and it’s got a lovely message to it- that even man could be more ‘beastly’ than a beast, that’s so creative 🙂 and your descriptions are wonderful! well done 🙂 Xx

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s